Thursday, April 5, 2012

On reality TV, silky hair & crazy faces

Most days my hair is soft and shiny. I have been blessed with hair that is lovely to touch. I’m not bragging, I’m just stating a fact. People randomly touch my hair all the time and tell me this. Generally it is always silky smooth.

[ Except for that terrible year where I permed it twice, died it black and then tried to get it back to its normal colour which involved HOURS of hair striping – it didn’t feel so great that year ]

I’ve also been blessed with hair that can go up to a week without washing it and it still looks nice. Now by that stage I feel disgusting and I’m certain I look terrible, but people always tell me I look nice, so that’s good. I realize this is super lucky. I’d do well hair-wise on Survivor. That’s pretty much the only way I’d do well there, but hey one is better than none.

Speaking of survivor, did I tell you my plan from a few years ago? It was before I was married, while I still had lots of debt, and was unpleased with my weight. It was the plan for happiness.
The plan was simple; get onto Survivor. Once on survivor two things will happen, I will lose weight and get famous. The weight lose is an obvious perk with no explanation needed. The Famous thing needs explaining. I was sure if I were famous that I would get money and love. People would want to pay me for some reason, I’m sure. And men would fall in love with me on TV (why I thought men would fall in love with me on TV when they didn’t in real life is beyond me – especially as I’m sure I’d be way more annoying on TV).

Now of course, I am happily married so I don’t need that side of things – but the other two still stand. I’d love to lose weight and have more money. Sadly though, I’d be terrible at survivor. Like truly terrible.

For one thing I can only sleep when lying in a bed, on my side, on a mattress, with ear plugs in and no light. This is not conducive to palm mat beds, floor sleeping and outdoor sleeping areas…nor does it work well since everything outside is noisy! Including fellow competitors.

For the next thing, I get mean when I’m hungry. MEAN. Like bad mean. In a social game (which would be my only hope at winning) I would be totally self sabotaging! Also when we finally got to eat on the rewards I would stuff myself so full that I would feel sick for the rest of the day, and that wouldn’t be very attractive either.

Also I hate being dirty. I hate having dirt under my finger nails and would hate to wear the same underwear every day – for real, that’s gross. Not to mention their socks and other clothes!

To continue, if I were in a big competition/game and was running and my top fell off (like often seems to happen in survivor) I wouldn’t be able to keep running (safe in the knowledge that they’ll blur me out on TV) I’d need to stop and cover now! Like for real, how do they just keep going when they’re junk is hanging out? I just couldn’t do it.

And alliances? I’m pretty sure I’d bung that up immediately. I mean I like people, and they like me, but when it comes to running around behind the scenes trying to pull people together, I’m terrible.

Plus, as a Christian I’m not sure how I’d come off on TV. I mean I’d want to be authentic, caring, kind, but also hardworking, butt kicking in challenges, and industrious. I’d need to figure out how to love God without sounding like a crazy person, or having the shame rattle sounded repeatedly through my private interview times. Because I fear the shame rattle would come out often. I’m not always very good at saying what I mean.
So then I make a new plan, Survivor is obviously too hardcore for me and maybe I am better suited to Amazing Race where only my own stupidity or bad luck will make me lose, not by being voted out by other competitors. Since I speak “petite” amount of “français” and can understand “gracias, en espanol" I think I’d do pretty well in the amazing race – because really what more of language do I need to know? 

Outside of language, I think I’d be way better at making alliances in Amazing Race – it’s not all back stabby and sabotaging, it’s like mutually beneficial team work. I dig that. I’m into that. It’s like my thing.

Though we come to my biggest problem in reality tv – the main reason why I can’t compete in either show – lack of physical strength/prowess. I don’t run, I can’t jump, my hip hurts, even when my hip doesn’t hurt I’m not fast. Yes I can ride a bike, but that never comes up in survivor. I’m a complainer when I’m in physical pain – and that happens a lot in both races. Plus I’m high anxiety and I think I’d drive myself and others nuts.

Just look, will you?

So yeah, I guess I’ll stay home and make money the old fashioned way. Well not the old fashioned way, that would be my dream (stay at home wife, please Lord!), but I’ll make money the modern way in an office downtown, assisting others to do their jobs better.

And thankfully in that scenario there is no shame rattle, there are no competitions, and never do I have to worry that my clothes will fall off and I will have to be blurred out in replay. Thank you Jesus.

Wow, I got way off topic. I came on here to write about how wonderful lifegroup has been. I love meeting with these awesome 20-25 year olds who are also some of my closest friends and discussing God and life and getting to talk about real things. And we have a few worship leaders in our midst, so the worship rocks as well.

Actually I remember why I actuallay came here to write, it is the reason I was talking about Hair above. I was going to show you another hairstyle – very similar start to the Twisted sister, but instead of twisting the sides, I placed them in different styles, to look like a braid or chignon.

Attempt 1:

Attempt 2:

And – outfits!!!

Also, April Photo-a-Day Challenge

"Someone who makes you happy"
And lastly, humour.
Because I love to laugh.

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