Starting last weekend (at the start of 36 weeks) I started feeling some very mild contractions. I only feel them for a short period before they leave again. I get those every few days for a couple minutes and then it's over. It's an interesting feeling and I'm curious what contractions will feel like at full blown. Lately after I eat, especially in the morning, I feel a bit sick - nauseous - and am more prone to feeling a bit ill throughout the day, though mostly I just feel tired.
Ahh Pregnancy Insomnia…I am loving growing this bump but man, I actually like sleeping through the night…especially when I know that very soon sleepless nights will even more so be the norm!
My view as I type away
So baby clothes…questions, so many
questions. People ask me what I still need – honestly? I have no idea. I have
stuff – lots of it. How do I know what’s right or enough? I haven’t done this
before. I have no idea what size she will “pop” out at or what things she’ll
like or dislike and even more than that I just plain have no idea what a baby
uses. I have diaper creams and such and yet I’m not sure I have the right ones
(I trust that I do since my amazing mom
friend Leah gave me those) but I’m in the town where her favorite creams come
from and have no idea if I should stock up now or wait and see. I mean….I’m
pretty good at life. Honestly. I can usually figure out what needs to happen
or, using trial and error, can make a plan. But a baby…trial and error seems to
be the only option and yet that means there isn’t a ton of prep I can do since
she isn’t here to test on! I think I have enough stuff to start off with – I
mean I have to, people have been having babies forever and have had way less
stuff to work with, I’m sure it’s fine. I just like being fully prepared, or as
prepared as one can be for a very very new unpredictable adventure.
Another thing to consider: Baby Monitors. I
think having a video monitor seems super helpful – I get that it’s not a necessity
but a luxury and somehow because of that I feel bad saying I think I’d like
one, though I guess, again, I have no idea if I need one. But I’ve watched a
few friends who have them and they seem pretty dang useful. I have been given
or lent two different used older type baby monitors – I feel like I should just
try to use those first and then see.
I’m quite short. I’m quite short in the
torso especially – I feel like this poor baby barely has any room to stretch
out – when I sit her bum is constantly poking up at the top of my belly (like
right now). That’s something I never considered – my height had never factored
into the whole pregnancy thing. Obviously it’s ok for her to be a bit smushed –
that’s sort of the nature of growing a baby anyways. I so enjoy feeling her
move around in there – she’s so active. It’s so fun to feel. Even though this
final month is uncomfortable at times, my goal is to really enjoy this final
time. After this she won’t be this safe little bundle in my belly that only I
can really feel and interact with – after this she’ll be her own self that
everyone can interact with. That’s obviously a fantastic option but for now I’m
enjoying her being mostly just mine.
I think it’s that juxtaposition that really
helps calm my heart. Right now she’s mine and I am caring for her. I feel such
love and care for something I can only feel vaguely – right now there isn’t
much I can do for her aside from keep myself healthy and thriving. Once she’s
out, the same idea will apply – try to keep myself and herself healthy and
thriving. The actions will look different – more poop, I’d imagine – but the
basic idea is the same. To the best of my ability, with love and care and
advice and that innate sense of what to do, I will love her and care for her,
as I already am. So in the face of having NO IDEA what to do with a newborn, I
feel fairly confident that with my amazing community (I wanted to say village
but it seemed way to cliché) and wonderful husband and my supportive family and
my own knowledge and heart, I can do this. I can raise this little girl, we can
raise this little girl. I’m excited to be her mom – to be a mom. To join that
rank of women that have done this amazing and every day thing.
Plus, the cute clothes help. They’re so
tiny and so cute and oh, that makes me happy. I love pinks and turquoise and
grey and polka dots – I’m not sure about the whole, dressing a squirmy doll,
thing. But it’s pretty fun to stare into her closet and think about her wearing
these pieces and cuddling her in them. Oh. It warms my heart.
And now that I’ve been awake for 2 hours, I
wonder what the odds of me falling back asleep are? There are still hours left
until I need to wake up and man, I would love some more sleep. Is this the
stage of perfect drowsiness or have I stayed up too long? And again,
uncertainty sweeps in. At least the only consequence in this moment is a tired
pregnant lady – it could definitely be worse.
And moving on to outfits - here we go! I forgot half of the week to take photos but managed to capture a few by the weekend.
And moving on to outfits - here we go! I forgot half of the week to take photos but managed to capture a few by the weekend.
On top of pregnancy thoughts and outfits, my week was filled with Victoria and friends and Paul...and my Nana (though I don't have any picture of her since she doesn't really do pictures).
Me with Tami & Livia
Victoria exploring with Paul
Birds and Paul
1 comment:
You're worrying about all the right things, and that means you'll be just fine :)
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