What truth!
Recently Pastor Greg said something in a sermon that was very interesting to me. He said something along the lines (since I don’t have my notes on me) that anxiety is what we feel when we aren’t trusting God. Anxiety is what it feels like to live life as the one in control.
I am a planner. I like to dream big and then make plans to get to those big places. I am smart and determined. These things could get me most places. I’ve learned though that the best places for me to be in, are the places that God has orchestrated for me to be in. So when I plan, I do so with a heart that says “Lord, feel free to change anything here – these plans are not set in stone, unless they line up with your will.” I rarely get upset when things turn out differently than planned, because at every turn God has been SHOCKING me with how much more awesome His plans are for my life. So really, it’s just a win.
I can tell though when I start to try to get control…when I start thinking my plans need to happen the way I want them to. My heart starts to harden. Anxiety comes quickly. I am less gracious to others, because “the plan” and working towards “the plan” becomes all consuming.
As Paul and I are setting off on our big adventure, I have had to plan a lot. I have tried to do this with a heart towards God’s plans for us. We have been hit with setbacks and plan changes, and I have worked to move through them all turned towards God and with a gracious, peaceful spirit. I have done this to varying degrees of success.
This week was a harder week.
Now I know, or at least I feel strongly, that Paul and I are supposed to be in Nashville this summer at the school of ministry. This is a time for us for 7 weeks to grow in Christ, to learn in Christ and to grow together. I also have felt like God was giving us an opportunity to have an adventure around a country that He created – God made America beautiful and I cannot wait to experience this beauty with Paul!
As we looked at the idea of this trip a year and a half ago (wow – we’ve been planning for a while) we knew that unless God was orchestrating for us to go, that it would never happen. And here we are, a week from departure with 98% of things in place and finances resolved. It has been a miracle to get here.
And yet, as the saga of the search for subletters continues, I find my heart forgetting His previous provision, and I find myself stressing about it. How short sighted or forgetful am I? Has the Lord not provided EVERYTHING to get us here? And yet I worry. I stress.
In another recent sermon Pastor Greg talked about the difference of moving forward in our own control, or with a heart that trusts Jesus. He said that often the actions of both parties would look the same but it is the spirit in which moving forward happens – and yes, the actions taken in response to that. He used Judah (Joseph’s brother) and Joseph as examples – he contrasted their lives and how Judah worked to do solve problems and how Joseph responded to God to see problems solved.
That is who I want to be. When problems arise, I want to respond to them guided by God, and out of a place of peace and relationship with Christ. I don’t want to strive and work to make things go my way.
So I have an ad on Craigslist, I have viewings set up with people for our place and through it all I will trust that ultimately GOD IS IN CONTROL. That He is the provider and that He “has my back”
