Friday, September 9, 2016

The feels when

Yesterday I wrote about the struggle I was having emotionally with my Mom's illness. Yet again the outpouring of love and support from friends and family was amazing. And I'd like to follow up that blog post with a new blog post about today. Because today has been awesome and very normal.

Paul didn't need to be downtown until 9:30 so we got to wake up together and have weekend-like cuddles with Avie in bed. It was sunny. Which was unexpected because originally it was supposed to rain, which had been a big part of my stress to do with my Mom. It was sunny and my husband was home to help me get out the door. We ate breakfast with our two students (Xiao and Water) and all 5 of us headed downtown. After we dropped Paul off, me and the girls hung out grabbing coffee and then met up with my Mom at 10am. It stayed sunny the whole time we were with her! We went for the normal walk, and Xiao and Water took turns pushing her wheelchair. My fears were pushed aside. It wasn't overwhelming at all. We even stopped at the park for Avie to get her wiggles out!









Afterwards I was scheduled to have lunch with my cousin and sister (and Avie). Xiao offered to babysit so Avie could nap and so that I could enjoy my lunch date baby free. Again, it was so so so great. Conversation flowed so naturally over lunch and I enjoyed my meal immensely. Paul came home from work and we went swimming with Avie - splashing around and laughing. It was a very normal day in most ways, but somehow I knew God had answered my prayers through all of it. It was so aparent that I wasn't alone. I mean, even my mood felt different. I'm still pregnant and hormonal but I felt secure and covered, somehow.



It's so easy to get overwhelmed. Wednesday could have just been a hard night and it could have ended there. But in sharing my fears, sharing my shame, talking about what was going on, and believing that God would meet me there, I have found amazing peace this week. We so often believe these lies that our shame or our fears are too much for people. That they are too bad. But what if your shame is felt by those around you also? What is your shame is totally normal? How often do we hear the cry, "what, you two?" when we share something we struggle with? Or at the very least, we receiving support and comfort, not scorn. Choose to be vulnerable this week. Choose to open up to those who love you - because you will be amazed at what it feels like to be loved from that place. Who wouldn't love a strong person? But being loved in your weakness is a powerful feeling. It's what brought me to God in the first place, and keeps me coming back.
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